Tonight, I feel sad again for Gene Kelly. If you have been reading my blog, you will understand my grief for his death.

Everytime I watch his movies on DVD, I can't explain why would I want to learn more about him. [On the Town] is my third movie after [Singing in the Rain] and [An American in Paris]. All three are the most acclaimed performances among Gene's works. I know enough of his talents but for your benefit, let me tells you that this man can dance, sing, act, choreograph and direct. What I want to know about Gene is his life and his road to stardom.

Google "Gene Kelly" and you will be overloaded with information. There is, however, one site that resonates my sentiment. I'm comforted to know that there is someone out there who feels as strongly as I am over his death. Read this tribute which was written in the year 1996 when Gene passed away at his home. As I was looking at that photo, my imagination traveled beyond the beautiful garden and right into the house. Somehow, it's hard to accept that he is no longer there.

My heart is heavy as I am blogging. I am as grieved as his fans in 1996 when in fact, he was already gone for 10 years. Such grief can't be explained because no matter how much I tried to express, I can never express it as closely to what my heart feels. Now, I know about his talents and briefly, his life. Those little information about him on the Internet is compelling enough to drive me to near-tears.

Good night, Gene. He must be tap-dancing and singing in Heaven now.

All words to describe a compact human form begin with the letter "S" - slim, skinny, scrawny and skeletal. The body size reduces as the word gets longer. Just count. The first three are pretty alright as everyone has friends, male or female who fit into each category. But skeletal? I only deem that word suitable to describe the emaciated human beings from Third World Countries. It is, however, suprising that Hollywood actresses are fighting with one another to be the super-skeleton. Calistan Fockhart, better known as Ally McBeal, used to be skinniest queen of Tinseltown. Now, she has to pass her tiara to Nicole Richie. Look at her photo and you will agree that the media did not exaggerate the way they describe her - SKELETAL. Let's not talk about her small bones, just look at her prominent ribcage. Would any man finds her attractive in that bikini? I don't think men will disagree with me if I say her breasts are turn-offs. I wonder what is the logic behind the pursuit of skeletal frames among actresses in the most glamorous industry. If men really like to watch skeletal "beauties", why haven't I heard of any porn actresses following the "trend"? They are smart pussies.

While the ladies adore the letter "S', men chase after the letter "M" - mass, masculine, macho and muscular. The concept of being skeletal is attractive will never entice men. I hope I'm right to generalise that victims of anorexia are women, while men are vulnerable to bigorexia. As you know, I'm a bigorexia. For the past few days, I have been pondering upon the possible obstacles that could have prevented me from becoming bigger and bigger. I deduced that my irregular digestive system could be the problem. I said irregular because at times, I can eat 5 small meals and yet don't feel bloated while sometimes, I have to stop at 3. Anyone into bodybuilding will know that the experts recommend 6 - 7 small meals per day to increase mass. That's hard to achieve since I'm not into full time bodybuilding. Now, my digestive system is bad. I can't eat more but I still try to eat because I feel full. I don't know if a good digestive system suggests a good bowel routine; my bowel are pretty regular though my detoxification, I suspect, may not be thorough.

I have a very close girlfriend. Whenever we dine out, she would ask me when she remembers, if her choice of food is fattening or not. Don't you imagine her as a fat-ass! She is not. She is pretty and petite. However, she sees herself as fat. Last week, she felt exceptionally fat and resorted to laxatives. Somehow, I got the idea from her to clear my system so that I could eat more. Now, I sound like swinging between bulimia and bigorexia. By the way, I haven't bought any laxatives yet.

There must be a healthy way to eat more and grow bigger.

If you are a bigorexic, the news reported in Merlion Times will probably make you rethink about your body now. What kind of damages had already been done "backstage" as we parade our gargantuan physique among a sea of admirers? Maybe, we will be fine. Afterall, the report is untrue and we will all live till 80 and die looking big. I said so because I wrote that report.

I liken Danny's death to possibly mine. Whether it is anorexia or bigorexia, men or women, we are all to blame for harming our health in the name of vainity. We are all vain - admit it graciously or become a denier in the fashion closet. Guys in particular are catching up with vanity, thus giving birth to a new fashion sensitive breed - metrosexual. My first success in the subject of vanity was when I put on 33 lbs of mass to my skinny frame. I look muscular and feel masculine. When I was skinny then, nothing looked good in me; now, everything fits. Even if I'm undressed, I still look good. Naturally, I work towards a bigger body. I didn't think it's wise to stop building my body because I'm not that dangerously bigorexic yet. I don't touch steroids, so that should speak for itself. Having said that, I'm not assuming that all supplements purchased at any reputable drug stores are clinically test and therefore, 100% safe for consumption in the long term. This is evident from the recent report that a high-class beauty product endorsed by mega-star status celebrities, contains chemicals detrimental to our health. So if I'm not that bigorexic yet to warrant an alarm, then what the hell am I trying to say?

Well, have you ever told yourself "what a pity" when someone great die? I did. These people, such as Mohandas Gandhi and Mother Teresa, did great things which changed other people's life. They look clean and presentable but never handsome or pretty. Their beauties are of higher calibre and even the drop-dead gorgeous league is insignificant when compared to them. However, to make any sense we must always compare an apple with an apple. Honestly, I am much more affected when good-looking people aged and died. Pretty shallow, huh? By the way, I don't mean I'm good-looking. It just makes more sense to compare with good-lookers on the subject of vanity.

If you are of my age or in the 30's range, you wouldn't have known the 1950's legendary actors, Gene Kelly and Marlon Brando. By chance, I came to know them 56 years after their popularity.
Things start to get melancholic when I watched their movies recently. For the first time, I was watching dead actors and actress reliving their moments on digitalised DVDs.

I always have a thing for the past. I was called "a young man with an old heart". The fact that the past is a distant world to me makes me curious and fall in love with it. I'm sure that those who did not survive our time would probably echo my sentiment. On the other hand, If I were 33 in the year 1950, I will then wish to be born later to see the modern world. I will write about my nostlagia in the next blog. Now, back to Gene and Marlon.

If you haven't heard of them, here is a brief, superficial comparison between the two:

• Gene Kelly is refined and handsome. He could sing and tap-dance to the tunes of the renowned "Singing in the Rain" and "I got Rhythm". He has a just-nice built to match his height.

• Marlon Brando's bad boy image is alluring. Keep away your china or he would toss and break them in a fist of anger. He had a muscular body that looked sinfully seductive in tight t-shirt.

I said it was superificial because I have only seen "A Streetcar named Desire", "Singing in the Rain" and "An American in Paris", and I am already concluding how great they are. At least, I can't be wronged about their physical charm. What upset me was when I saw how they aged and lost their heyday charm from the photos in the Internet. Reading about their death upset me furhter. I know everyone dies eventually; so why should their death be different? I don't know. If I say that I love their movies and adore their handsome faces, would that explain? I spent my teenage years imitating Tom Crusie's cool, pilot look from Top Gun in the 1980's and followed him in all his impossible missions. Today, he is still alive. Even if he passes on like other celebrities in my era, I wouldn't feel as sad as those were already acting before I was born. Got my point? It saddens me to acknowledge that Gene Kelly, a man once so agile and lively became a feeble, old man and died of stroke. It disturbs me and yet wins my admiration for Marlon Brando, who retaliated against glamor by becoming obese to prove that he was not just a pretty face who can't act. As a Mr Vain truly, I do not have the courage to do the same, knowing how hard it has been to acheive a muscular body. That is, however, not my point. My question is: "why are we chasing after vainity when sooner or later they died with us?" Why can't I challenge vanity instead of succumbing to it? Surely, I can tell myself that I am satisfied with looking presentable and most importantly feeling healthy without the want to look muscular and macho. If I'm gonna lose those size and charm as I aged and died like Gene and Marlo, I am better off investing my time and money with higher priorities. That is very noble but it's not going to work for me. I am born vain. If a big body makes me happy and attractive, why should I stop working towards having one? I can't go to the gym when I die, can I?