The Massage Industry in Singapore and Sex

I read with interest the recent report, Can We Have Sex Too? published in the Singapore tabloid newspaper, The New Paper (TNP). The 'We' here refers to the clients of certified massage therapists. I bold certified because if they are not certified, then there must be something else that the therapist can offer to complement his/her half-bucket* service, Isn't it? Turn the classified pages of some local publications in Singapore and you can see how many people are offering massage services nowadays. Besides telling you the various types of massage they can do, the advertisements are usually accompanied with suggestive photos. If you see photos of beautiful women, they are seducing the men to cum, oophs, I mean come and enjoy the massage. If you see photos of muscular men (sometimes without the face and only close up of chest and abs), they are for the You-Know-Who.*

According to the report, certified massage therapists, both females and males are lamenting that their Singaporean clients are requesting for additional services from them. A female masseur interviewed told TNP that from her 8-years experience, foreigners are likely the genuine customers. Of course, I believe that there are exception too: foreign men are still men after all. In their countries, advertisments for sex do not have to be disguised under the pretext of 'massage' - sex means sex.

My empahty goes to those certified massage therapists who are harassed by their clients. With the defacing of the massage industry by unqualified masseurs who use their mouth more than their hands, the image of genuine therapists is tarnished. Clients seem to care more if a therapist can provide sex service rather than his/her relevant qualification. Just when you think that a therapist worries if a client will make a sexual request, a client may worry too if his therapist is willing to go the extra mile. That worried client was me. It happened two years ago when I had a complimentary massage at a grand looking massage parlor at Orchard Road, Singapore. That was my second massage of my life. After shower, I lay topless on a cushioned massage table covered with a towel below my waist. Beneath, I wore a short provided by the parlor. The massage therapist was a foreign woman. After some rubbing on my upper body, she chatted with me. I started to feel uncomfortable when her hands were massaging up and down my thigh. At one point, I felt that her strong hands were almost knocking against my balls. I confessed that I was worried if she is going to give me a happy ending. But I was not at one of those massage parlors at Gelyang or Joo Chiat*, I was at Orchard Paragon enjoying my complimentary visit from Citibank! How can a 'Pei Du Ma Ma' (A social term referring to women from Mainland China who came to Singapore to work while their children study here) sneaked into a reputable parlor in Orchard Road? When she finally said it was done, I knew that It was a false alarm.

My experience tells me that in a trade which the clients go almost full monty and the therapists' hands are exploring their body, it is hard not to think of sex especially if the therapist looks desirable, females and males alike. I think not all certified massage therapists are noble in their trade. I believe there are some who are certified but also provide extra services.

Whether massage therapists or escorts, money can entice them to step out for their profession and dance in the moonlight.

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*half-bucket- a colloquial to mean half-qualified; not completely capable

* You-Know-Who - an unspeakable alias for the Dark Lord, Voldemort in the Harry Potter's series. In my article, I used the term as an insinuation for gay men.

* Geylang/Joo Chiat - Geylang is a red light district in Singapore while Joo Chiat is progressively becoming one.

Looking Good for Jesus? Singapore Says No!

When America wants Singapore to look good for Jesus, some Catholics in Singapore said 'No!" The minority who prefer to be the plain Janes and Joes protested against the American's calling with their slogan: Thou shall not be vain!

I think I have ridculed enough of my fellow countrymen.

'Looking Good for Jesus' is a brand for a range of cosmetics and accessories from American company, Blue Q. The comestics range has since been removed from the shelves of British-retailor, Topshop in Singapore following complaints that the products are disrespectful.
Look at these products and you will know probably guess what has caused the uproar.










Like all other gods of the various religions, Jesus, too, is an untouchable name. Any association with THAT name must not be percevied as blasphemous in nature. Otherwise, you will be condemned by the Churches before even God judges you. If you are deemed to have committed the gravest sin, you might be stoned to death or burned on the stake. Blue Q didn't give a shit about it. Beside the 'Looking Good for Jesus' brand, 'Wash Away your Sins' is another brand associated with Christianity. If you think that Blue Q is anti-Christ, check out their website. Every concept of their product is very refreshing although their humor can be quite off the hook to some people.

To those who complained to Wing Tai Holding which operates the Topshop outlets, I have to say this, "Relax lah..." The 'Looking Good for Jesus' products are not sex toys; they are regular items that we use. The only difference is that these products are printed with cartoons of Jesus with some women and some interesting choice of words.

It's a pity that the 'Looking Good for Jesus' range is not available in Sydney. I wouldn't mind getting tight with Christ by purchasing a tube of the hand and body cream. And mind you, I'm a guy.

Relax lah!
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More Readings:

The Straits Times report
USAToday report
BBC News report

From your Valentines' Bill Gates

The following are extracts from the to and fro emails between several email users forwarded to me from my mate. They are unedited to preserve the original expression of various excited dumbers. So pardon the English in quotes.


"OMG!! Today I checked my HSBC account have RM 5,667.10 deposited recently! The monthly statement details shown credited by M/S Bill Gates Foundation. It works!!!

"This is not joke I got $4,672 credited in my ICICI account last week"

"I got $12,101 credited with this months salary, that is why I am sending this to you guys. I am almost going mad. Planning to quit and start a new company. You guys can join hands. What to say yarr????"

"Hey guys !!! this is cool really really cooollllll I forwarded this mail to three chaps just half an hour back and i just forgot about it.. then i saw my salary slip, checked my account in the net. i was wonder stuck to see $30000/- added to my account !! transferred from ms office thru western money transfer !!! its amazing guys !!! Go for it. Act fast. at least before this stupid bill gates gets bankrupt...... and in case this is true, there is not much time left..... so congratulations in advance.... for becoming a millionaire so easily... like me...... "

"Hey dudes and dudettes...this is truly amazing........I got $12,545 a few weeks back......it indeed works.....and hope it works out for all of u........."

"I have also gotten $34271 cheque la st week for the same knid of mail.You can also try your luck "

"I have go tten $17934 cheque some time ago for the same kind of mail. You can also try your luck"

This is the original email that got all those dumbers excited:

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a cheque.

This is obviously just another chain letter, another hoax. But my mate forwarded the emails to all his friends with his address and mobile number included. You may wonder what drove people to do such a thing that is obviously dumb. First, ask yourself, "why would Bill Gates give away his money to anyone?" Then play the song 'What I've Done to Deserve This?" from Petshop Boys and ponder upon the first question. If Bill Gates donates his money to the charity, it earns Microsoft and himself good PR. What does he get out of a chain email that promises money to you? Nothing except the title 'Biggest Hoax of the World'.

People who believe in the Bill Gates' chain email are motivated by greed and driven by dumbness, while those who forwarded them for fun are just too bore. Both types have violated the Internet etiquette but the former has a more complicated consquence. Do I need to explain more?

When you send or forward a chain email, It might appear to be as innocuous as sending or forwarding jokes to our friends. But there are consquences to others and to yourself. When you become a part of chain email, you are a bad Netizen because:

• you disrupt email service because you are an accomplice in clogging the network;
• you jam up mailboxes, making them unable to receive further incoming mails;
• you cause expenses to people who pay for email service by the bytes;
• you annoy and harass people;

Even if all the above problems are not yours to bear, think about your own image. A mouse click deletes the chain mail but not the impression about you.

BrokeBack Mountain Actor, Heath Ledger Died

Another promising star fell to the hands of drugs?

Heath Ledger, 28 was found dead in an apartment at Broome Street, Soho, in Manhattan, alleged to be owned by actress, Mary-Kate Olsen. He was pronounced dead at 3.45pm (7.45am AEDT) by a medical examiner. His unconscious and naked body was found by his housekeeper and the masseuse whom he made an appointment with.

Sleeping bills - both prescription medication and nonprescription were found at the scene. It was reported that Mr Ledger took sleeping pills after filming 'I'm Not There' - a ruminations on the life of Bob Dylan, and protraying the Joker role in Batman latest installment 'The Dark Knight', whom he described as a "psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy". Mr Ledger told the Times in an interview that last week he had only an average of two hours sleep. He said he couldn't stop thinking and despite his body was exhausted, his mind was still going. According to New York City Police, there were indications of a possible suicide or an accidental overdose. However, an autopsy will be performed on Wdnesday to determine his cause of death. Mr Ledger left behind his 3-year old daughter, Matilda Rose from his marriage with actress, Michelle Williams.

A native of Perth who later moved to Sydney to pursue an acting career, Mr Ledger landed on TV-movie roles and guest spots on Australian television. He then made a brilliant move to Los Angeles which later pathed his way to Hollywood stardom. His first Hollywoold debut, "10 Things I Hate About You," was a teen comedy. Thereafter more teen flicks came his way which he rejected: he preferred to remain idle than sign on for projects he didn't like. While agents and his parents thought he was crazy, he dismissed it as an easy decision that was hard for others to understand - an air akin to the late legend, Marlo Brando.

In 2001, Mr Ledger landed a romantic-hero role in flim, "A Knight's Tale". His big time came in 2005 when Director, Ang Lee protrayed him as Ennis Del Mar in the tragic gay romance, "Brokeback Mountain", which rocketed his Hollywood status to superstardom. He later acted in another periodic movie, "Casanova' in the same year and in 2007, "I'm not There". His latest release due this summer will be Batman, "The Dark Knight' which he was cast as The Joker.

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Heath Ledger died at 28 - The Sunday Morning Herald report

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Death of Superstar Wrestler, Chris Bennoit - drug related

When Fresh Apples are not that Fresh after all.

When we shop for apples at the supermarket, the first thing we look out for before putting them into our shopping basket is whether or not their skins are flawless (without dents or rots), or if the apples have ripen. Beyond that, we can't really tell about the firmness of an apple (unless we poke at it) and its level of ethylene, a natural plant hormone that stimulates fruits to ripen but can also cause it to go bad. From the ethylene, scientists are able to estimate the age of the fruit and rate its quality. A high ethylene level indicates that the fruit is overripe while a high firmness rating means better quality apples.


Recently, samples of Granny Smiths were taken from 3 supermarkets in Sydney - Woolwhorths, Coles and the Northen Street Grocer in Bondi Junction. Woolworth scored the worst with samples of 10 months old while the other two scored an equally bad 9 1/2 months old in storage. All samples were Australian homegrown apples. The test was a result of the talks within the industry about the 'Birthday Apples" - apples there were a year old when they hit the shelves.

According to Stephen Morris, the principal research scientist at the independent Sydney Postharvest Laboratory, apples can be kept for 6 months and still remain in very good quality. After nine months, its freshness deteoriates. After this study was conducted, Dr Morris advised Australians to go for mangoes rather than apples now because all the apples on sales at this moment would be at least 8 months old. So why are apples stored but not put on the shelves immediately after they are harvested?

Woolworths Chief Executive, Michael Luscombe, reasoned that customers want apples all year round. All apples are kept in cold storage under controlled conditions from the time they are picked. It helps to slow the ripening process but inevitably, its freshness is compromised as compared to the apple that were plucked straight off the tree. Mr Luscombe suggested that the alternative option beside cold storage is not to have apples all year round or to buy apples of poorer quality from the northern hemisphere. Although Woolworths have advertised itself as "the fresh food people", their apples are of the worst quality. After this suprising discovery by The Sun-Herald, Woolworths realised the importance of customers education.

A spokeman for Coles said that the technology for storing apples is now very sophisticated. Whatever that means.

Singapore imports large bulk of our apples from the U.S. Until The Straits Times decides to investigate the freshness of apples sold at NTUC or Cold Storage (which I doubt so), we shall assume their apples are truly fresh. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.