Does Age has a part to play in True Love?

Most people are sceptical towards young people dating old folks.

I used to form a smiliar skepticism. I was cynical when hot babes proclaiming true love to men decades older than them. Likewise from a gay's perspective, I couldn't see how an Adonis could fancy an old man. Now, I am part of the skepticism that others imposed on me.

In a relationship of which a partner is significantly older than the other, the older chap is coined as the suger daddy and the young sucker is lambasted as gold digger. This is so because the distribution of wealth is always imbalance in such a combination. Unless you are Larry Page and she is Britney Spears, an older partner will accumulae more wealth than his/her younger lover by the law of nature. I don't mean a millionaire and an average income earner. This sounds more like a modern day Cinderalla story. How many of us date a millionaire anyway? But financial dependence will always be perceived to fall on the older lover. Compare a 30-year old guy and his high school sweetheart. Bingo! I don't think I need to elaborate my point further.

Take a look at these couples. What's your first impression about their younger partners.

Rupert Murdoch, 70 & Wendi Deng Murdoch, 39
Age difference: 31

James Howard Marshall II, 89 & Anna Nicole Smith, 26 (Their age as of the year of dating before death)
Age difference : 63



Elton John, 60 & Partner, David Furnish, 45
Age Difference: 15



Demi Moore, 45 & Ashton Kutcher, 29
Age difference: 16

Britney Spears, 26 & Kevin Federline, 29
Age Difference: 3

There are gold diggers in every country. Suckers are prepared to trade in their youth and body for money and power. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the dead, but Anna Nicole Smith's court battle over James Howard Marshall II's will after his death speaks unmistakably of her motive marrying a man 63 years her senior. When it comes to money talk, partners from the less extraordinary league are usually under scrutiny. Everyone heard the cash ringing in Kevin Federline's register when the former backup dancer and singer married pop princess, Britney Spears. The Briteny-Kevin's case seems to be more than the case of compatibility in age, but also the ranking of wealth and social status. If young couples are not spared the judgement, how more difficult it is to believe that true love can exist when one partner is unreasonably old and ridiculously rich? Would Wendy Deng bear Rupert Murdock two kids if not for the inheritance that she would benefit from consummation of her marriage? Maybe yes, maybe not; only she knows. I am dating a 57-year old man now. Whether I like it or not, people are going to judge me when we are together. Likewise, I judge others when they have older partners. I firmly believe that my sweet Mr P can tell that I am not a heartbreaker.

When the age gap in a relationship gets wider, the issue of money, sex and level of understanding become a greater concern. I shall not repeat my views on money; conduct speaks for itself. Let's talk about sex then. A healthy loving relationship requires a healthy sexual relationship, but sex should not beget love and become a determinant for the success or failure of a relationship. There are other priorities in life which carry more substance than sex, such as building a loving relationship based on communications and other social activities. Unless we are dating an object, all humans are capable of showing affection through physical intimacy. But the frequency and intensity of the intimacy will very much depend on how high your sex drive is. If you are a horny pig, don't lie to yourself that your older partner would be able to sextify you. The truth is he ain't going to be your top-notch sex machine not without a little help of Viagra.

When you take away the money and sex issues, the subject of understanding is itself subjective. How much a young partner chooses to understand the world of his older partner very much depends on the individual. It is a lesson of life that does not come with formulas but simply acquired out of love.

It is disheartening to learn of young gay men calling older men unwanted. I defend strongly against that. Gay men who think in such shallow ways are blinded by young, tight bodies to even see beyond the fine layer of wonderful qualities that only come with age. Don't they put themselves in their shoes when they grow old? Do they want to feel unwanted or be given such label? Mind you, old men are not as lousy as others thought them to be. Don't think too highly of ourselves just because youth is on our side - don't forget that it is slipping by the days. OIder men have rich life experiences to share and mellow characters that display tender, love and care in the ways that younger men lack.

With Mr P, I feel that I am facing the calm blue sea on a breezy afternoon. His smiles are the sunshine that light up my day, and his stalwart presence is like a shelter under a big tree. If you think I am talking craps, wait till you meet an older man who sweeps your heart away.

Oh, money boys can forget about my preposition because older men are just various bank accounts to you.

Am I an Ageless Monster?

Last week, I went for a job interview and my interviewor was suprised when I told him I am 34-year old. He said he thought I was 25. A discount of 9 years.

This afternoon, my age was mistaken again. I was at HMV Heeren with my best friend, John after our lunch. I picked up a movie VCD 'C.R.A.Z.Y' and paid at the counter. I tried to quote my conversation with the cashier as closely as possible.

"I don't need a bag." I told the cashier.

Instead of saying ok or at least an acknowledgment with a nod, she said something totally irrelevant and absolutely bewildering. I did not want to assume what I heard was correct. I reconfirmed with her. This time, I heard her loud and crystal clear.

"Are you 18?"

Indeed, I got her correctly the first time. Whether it was a new job requirement for cashiers to ask the customer's age before selling a mature-themed movie product, or the fact that she thought I was still a pre-pubescent kid, both were equally shocking to me.

"Do I need to be 18 to buy this VCD?" I asked.

"Yes." She replied.

"I'm flattered," I grinned. "I'm 34."

"No, he is 17." John who stood by my side teased her.

To have my age discounted by 16 years is an illusion that fashion created and a gift from my gene. When I was in my early 20s, others saw me as a student. When I age from mid to late 20s, I was mistaken to be in my early 20s. Now at 34, guessing my age is like playing a game of roulette with several possibilities, except that it never hits the 30s range.

In a world where men and women are chasing after the fountain of youth, I would be lambasted as an ungrateful, silly man who doesn't appreciate what I am blessed with. It is, therefore, difficult for others to understand my mixed feeling towards the 'underage' issue. When people call me 'sir' instead of 'xiao di' (meaning little boy), or credit cards promoters approach me instead of bypass me, I feel happy because I am recognised as a MAN and not as a BOY.

I am happy to be whatever age I am. When I reach 70, call me 'Ah Pek' (grandpa) please and not 'Ah Chek' (uncle). If my age is discounted 16 years again, the Chinese legend will have another monster - the 'Ageless Monster' beside the 'Monster Nian' of the Spring Festival.