To Sydney with Love Fund

This is going to look silly to many but it is a hope to me.

I'm just a guy, standing in front of a man, asking him to love him. A simple request but it never came through for the past seven years. My three-year long distance love with an American ended this year. I suggested that I moved to the U.S. twice but he never embraced the idea.

Separation does not help in building relationship. I learned my lesson painfully. A sweet Australian man entered my life recently. With his consent, I will be flying over to Sydney and to be with him for as long as I could.

This is not a holiday -it's about pursuing a chance to be loved or to love. I haven't found a job there yet. I'm sure he would help me in whatever he could but I would like to do my part.

"To Sydney with Love" Fund is an idea to help my transition in Sydney smoother while finding a job. I won't ask your support for nothing. Purchase a Christmas e-card at USD3.



Click on card to enlarge. To send the ecard, simply right click, save as .jpg, and attach to your email.

If you wish to pay through PayPal via email, simply send your email address to luvwinsall@hotmail.com and an invoice will be generated for your payment. You will receive an email from me. Click the link on the email to make your payment.

If you do not wish to buy a customised e-card from me, I welcome you to send the e-card to your friends. After all, Christmas is a season for sharing love.

Merry Christmas, Sydney

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Torn between Two Nations - My Love Story that inspires To Sydney with Love.

If you know of any job opportunity in Sydney, email me at luvwinsall@hotmail.com

Does Age has a part to play in True Love?

Most people are sceptical towards young people dating old folks.

I used to form a smiliar skepticism. I was cynical when hot babes proclaiming true love to men decades older than them. Likewise from a gay's perspective, I couldn't see how an Adonis could fancy an old man. Now, I am part of the skepticism that others imposed on me.

In a relationship of which a partner is significantly older than the other, the older chap is coined as the suger daddy and the young sucker is lambasted as gold digger. This is so because the distribution of wealth is always imbalance in such a combination. Unless you are Larry Page and she is Britney Spears, an older partner will accumulae more wealth than his/her younger lover by the law of nature. I don't mean a millionaire and an average income earner. This sounds more like a modern day Cinderalla story. How many of us date a millionaire anyway? But financial dependence will always be perceived to fall on the older lover. Compare a 30-year old guy and his high school sweetheart. Bingo! I don't think I need to elaborate my point further.

Take a look at these couples. What's your first impression about their younger partners.

Rupert Murdoch, 70 & Wendi Deng Murdoch, 39
Age difference: 31

James Howard Marshall II, 89 & Anna Nicole Smith, 26 (Their age as of the year of dating before death)
Age difference : 63



Elton John, 60 & Partner, David Furnish, 45
Age Difference: 15



Demi Moore, 45 & Ashton Kutcher, 29
Age difference: 16

Britney Spears, 26 & Kevin Federline, 29
Age Difference: 3

There are gold diggers in every country. Suckers are prepared to trade in their youth and body for money and power. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the dead, but Anna Nicole Smith's court battle over James Howard Marshall II's will after his death speaks unmistakably of her motive marrying a man 63 years her senior. When it comes to money talk, partners from the less extraordinary league are usually under scrutiny. Everyone heard the cash ringing in Kevin Federline's register when the former backup dancer and singer married pop princess, Britney Spears. The Briteny-Kevin's case seems to be more than the case of compatibility in age, but also the ranking of wealth and social status. If young couples are not spared the judgement, how more difficult it is to believe that true love can exist when one partner is unreasonably old and ridiculously rich? Would Wendy Deng bear Rupert Murdock two kids if not for the inheritance that she would benefit from consummation of her marriage? Maybe yes, maybe not; only she knows. I am dating a 57-year old man now. Whether I like it or not, people are going to judge me when we are together. Likewise, I judge others when they have older partners. I firmly believe that my sweet Mr P can tell that I am not a heartbreaker.

When the age gap in a relationship gets wider, the issue of money, sex and level of understanding become a greater concern. I shall not repeat my views on money; conduct speaks for itself. Let's talk about sex then. A healthy loving relationship requires a healthy sexual relationship, but sex should not beget love and become a determinant for the success or failure of a relationship. There are other priorities in life which carry more substance than sex, such as building a loving relationship based on communications and other social activities. Unless we are dating an object, all humans are capable of showing affection through physical intimacy. But the frequency and intensity of the intimacy will very much depend on how high your sex drive is. If you are a horny pig, don't lie to yourself that your older partner would be able to sextify you. The truth is he ain't going to be your top-notch sex machine not without a little help of Viagra.

When you take away the money and sex issues, the subject of understanding is itself subjective. How much a young partner chooses to understand the world of his older partner very much depends on the individual. It is a lesson of life that does not come with formulas but simply acquired out of love.

It is disheartening to learn of young gay men calling older men unwanted. I defend strongly against that. Gay men who think in such shallow ways are blinded by young, tight bodies to even see beyond the fine layer of wonderful qualities that only come with age. Don't they put themselves in their shoes when they grow old? Do they want to feel unwanted or be given such label? Mind you, old men are not as lousy as others thought them to be. Don't think too highly of ourselves just because youth is on our side - don't forget that it is slipping by the days. OIder men have rich life experiences to share and mellow characters that display tender, love and care in the ways that younger men lack.

With Mr P, I feel that I am facing the calm blue sea on a breezy afternoon. His smiles are the sunshine that light up my day, and his stalwart presence is like a shelter under a big tree. If you think I am talking craps, wait till you meet an older man who sweeps your heart away.

Oh, money boys can forget about my preposition because older men are just various bank accounts to you.

Reply to Sumiko Tan's Column - A Woman needs a Man

A Gay man needs a Man

I've come to the realistation that a woman isn't complete unless she has a partner. So said Sumiko Tan in her Sunday column "A Woman needs a Man" (ST, 9 Sep 07). With a headline like that, It beats me how many single women have protested to the Straits Times.

I enjoy her writings. Being 43 and single, she becomes an empty vessal at times and hence can't stop whining - the writer's PMS I call it. I can empathise with her plight because I am 34 and technically single here. I whined too in my blog. I applaud her bravey in attesting the wholeness of womanhood can only exist if she has a man in her life. I second her ideology. If you don't know me, you would probably deduce that I'm a woman. The air is clear now, except that I am a gay man. To sing her tune, I decided to plagiarise her story. I never thought I'd say this, but here goes: A gay man needs a man to be complete (this sentence is originally from her column; I just replace 'a woman' with 'a gay man').

Try telling me that before I hit the big 30. My attitude would be non-hastening. I was unrealistic in my quest for a soul mate. I believe that fate would bring Mr Right to my door. Can you believe that my straight friends tried to cajole me into visiting gay pubs? They were against the idea of me doing nothing and wishfully thinking that I would bump into Mr Right on the streets or in the subways. When my biological clock ticked-tocked by the years, I realised that the Hollywood version of One Fine Day hardly happened in reality. I didn't get to meet George Clooney. Michelle Pieffer, that lucky bitch!

So I moved my ass. But I did not visit any gay pubs because I don't see how I could find my soul mate in a den of one night standers (Ok, I invented that word). I traveled to the cyberspace and took a tour of the myriad of gay match-making sites. Since then, I met a lot of gay men but was dumped in the most absurb manner. A series of misfortunate events turned me into anti-relationship. I retreated to my cocoon and fucked all the lovey-dovey things out of my life. I was self-sufficient and don't need a man to make my life enjoyable. After a year, I was proven wrong. I got a mail - not from Tom Hank - but from a 46-year old American. If I were to express the way I felt with him, I would sing him the song 'You Raised me Up' (sans the spiritual connotation). He is the oldest man I have dated so far and the longest relationship I ever have.

If you recall earlier on I wrote that I am technically single here, I meant I am attached but my boyfriend isn't with me. He hasn't been with me since the start of our relationship 3 years ago. To meet one another, we have to take an 18-hour flight between Singapore and the U.S. Friends have been asking why the hell we are still not living together? It is a question that I asked myself. The question mark becomes bigger as I see all the local women and gay men with their white partners. I feel envious, uncertain and sad. I brought up the issue of relocating in our first year but he said he wanted to take it slow. And it has been really slow. He changed his job this year and I feel that the more I should be more understanding.

Surely, Sumiko was not talking about my kind of relationship. To many, a couple who sees each other less than 3 times a year is not a relationship and even if it is, it ain't healthy. That was exactly what my friends commented. I, however, think otherwise. Except the distance, I see my relationship the same as others: we communicate, we sent presents on birthdays, Valentine's Day and Christmas, we visit each other and we travel to other destinations for holidays. Most importantly, we don't cheat. All my friends questioned me how could I be so sure if he is not fooling around - he is afterall in the U.S. The beauty of our long distance relationship had taught me how to trust and have faith in a boyfriend, and therefore, doubts never cross my mind. The thought of someone so far away is thinking of me warms my heart. You can call me nuts and I don't blame you. Nobody thinks like me. I suppose you could wonder If I'm desperate for a relationship since I am willing to endure the pain of separation for 3 years. Why have a boyfriend thousands of miles away and there is no companionship and fulfilment to talk about (not dimssing physical intimacy). Can't I stop harping on relationship and thinking that men are the Oxygen that keeps me alive? The singletons can argue that without a boyfriend, we can still get enjoy life with friends but surely we know that the kind of love we experience with the latter is different. The amount of communications and the kind of things we do with our boyfriend is what the limitation of friendship cannot offer. Such attention and devotion can never be received from your soccer kakis, party animal friends or even your pet. And when it comes to getting a gift for that special guy, you will know whether he is more than a laughter and a martini at the bar. Ok, how about family? Like Sumiko wrote:

"But, oh, who are we kidding? Let's be honest. Nothing beats the frisson of
commanding the time and attention of someone from the opposite sex whom you
fancy and who fancies you. After all, humans are hardwired to mate"

If you rather find solace in singlehood, you have probably never fallen in love before or got dumped as frequently as we piss.

Recently, my relationship has been on the brim of death. There isn't any quarrel. If women have intuition, men have it too. Somehow, I feel that I could have lost my boyfriend. I have never stopped loving him but again, if there was once a right time that we met, then perhaps, there will be a right time to part our ways too. Even if this relationship breaks, I will not stop finding another man to fall in love with again. Every man is a different story and its outcome will be different too. To resign my life to whining in the cyberspace, I rather fall, pick it up from there and move on no matter how many times it will take me.

There will be a man who will watch the sunset with me as I grow old. And yes, I need a man in my life. Oh, and who said Michelle Pieffer is the only lucky bitch to have met George Clooney.

George Clooney and I in London, 2004

Post-Valentine's Day Thoughts

Valentine's Day was over yesterday.

For the rest of the months and until Birthday or Christmas, no more flowers, no more gifts, no more romantic dinners, and the 3 letters 'I love you' are kept in a 'fixed deposit' till next Valentine's Day. Is this a post-Valentine's time-table or what? I'm not sure if you have a partner that practises such routine. It will be very mechanical if a couple needs any reason to express their love at any time of the year. Love should be spontaneous.

Last night, I had nothing from my American boyfriend but I felt like I have everything. He was supposed to be with me but had to cancel his trip because of work. He called to wish me "Happy Valentine's Day" and sent me a Hallmark eCard after we hung up. In his eCard, he apologised for not spending the special day with me and said that I will always have a special place in his heart. I know he really wanted to be with me if situation allowed and by saying sorry when he couldn't, it says a lot about this guy. These words don't cost anything but they are worth more than a billion dollar to me.

Call me a sceptic, but most people will scoff at my silliness. A billion dollar, dude? What craps are you professing? Well, I will say it's a load of craps if anybody tells me that money means more than love.

Drop your pragmatism and you will understand how I feel towards those words. Without trust and faith, your partner's sincerity can become crap to you.

To give love and to receive love is a simple thought; don't complicate it.