Bananation

Am I an Ageless Monster?

Last week, I went for a job interview and my interviewor was suprised when I told him I am 34-year old. He said he thought I was 25. A discount of 9 years.

This afternoon, my age was mistaken again. I was at HMV Heeren with my best friend, John after our lunch. I picked up a movie VCD 'C.R.A.Z.Y' and paid at the counter. I tried to quote my conversation with the cashier as closely as possible.

"I don't need a bag." I told the cashier.

Instead of saying ok or at least an acknowledgment with a nod, she said something totally irrelevant and absolutely bewildering. I did not want to assume what I heard was correct. I reconfirmed with her. This time, I heard her loud and crystal clear.

"Are you 18?"

Indeed, I got her correctly the first time. Whether it was a new job requirement for cashiers to ask the customer's age before selling a mature-themed movie product, or the fact that she thought I was still a pre-pubescent kid, both were equally shocking to me.

"Do I need to be 18 to buy this VCD?" I asked.

"Yes." She replied.

"I'm flattered," I grinned. "I'm 34."

"No, he is 17." John who stood by my side teased her.

To have my age discounted by 16 years is an illusion that fashion created and a gift from my gene. When I was in my early 20s, others saw me as a student. When I age from mid to late 20s, I was mistaken to be in my early 20s. Now at 34, guessing my age is like playing a game of roulette with several possibilities, except that it never hits the 30s range.

In a world where men and women are chasing after the fountain of youth, I would be lambasted as an ungrateful, silly man who doesn't appreciate what I am blessed with. It is, therefore, difficult for others to understand my mixed feeling towards the 'underage' issue. When people call me 'sir' instead of 'xiao di' (meaning little boy), or credit cards promoters approach me instead of bypass me, I feel happy because I am recognised as a MAN and not as a BOY.

I am happy to be whatever age I am. When I reach 70, call me 'Ah Pek' (grandpa) please and not 'Ah Chek' (uncle). If my age is discounted 16 years again, the Chinese legend will have another monster - the 'Ageless Monster' beside the 'Monster Nian' of the Spring Festival.