I am a GAM (Gay Asian Male) from Singapore who has fallen in love with a GWM (Gay White Male) from the United States.
I am 34 and he is 49. In spite of our significant age difference, our relationship is not what most people would perceive it to be. I truly love him just the way he is. There isn't a day that I have stopped loving him. It is a relationship that sustains the longest test of time, albeit a long distance love. I painted a beautiful picture of us watching the sunset together at Houston, Texas one day when we both grow old. I will be sitting close to his frail body and holding on to his arm. The tattoo on that arm - R.E.D, which is the acronym of his name will be as wrinkled and dull as his skin. But that day will never come. We broke up in September 2007. We didn't break up because we didn't love each other anymore. We didn't break up because of third party. We broke up because I am a Singaporean and he is an American. We broke up because of our difference in nationality. We broke up because of the distance between us we cannot bridge. The immigration law in our country owes us big time.
Singapore is a highly conservative country. Every gay man as far as Europe and the U.S. knows that there is no hope for homosexuals in Singapore. The recent repeal 377A campaign that failed speaks much of our legislation and our people.To my dismay, there is no hope for me either in the Land of Freedom. I blame myself for not finding out more about immigration law and the right of same sex marriage in the U.S. I only learned about them when my boyfriend told me that our relationship was not going to work becasue the United States neither allows their citizens to sponsor their same sex partners for immigration benefits nor recognizes same sex marriage for immigration purposes. Although there are other options to legalise my stay in the U.S., they ain't helpful to me. With a Diploma and a resume of an executive, no employer in the U.S. would sponsor me without a professional practice. Obtaining a student visa may be viable but education in the U.S. is expensive. Seeking asylum will not work because the Singapore Government does not prosecute gay relationship or gay as an individual. Winning diversity visa lottery is a one million chance that won't salvage my relationship. Out of desperation, I considered a fraudulent marriage with the opposite sex in exchange for my green card. But I gave the idea up. It will be a silly move. I might be able to stay in the U.S. but probably behind bar awaiting deportation. Regrettably, same-sex marriage is not even a way out. Under the Canadian options, my boyfriend and I may be granted permanent residency. In other word, he would have to choose between me or his family, friends and career in the U.S. I am prepared to give up mine but I do not expect the same from him. Love is unconditional: I want to be with him and I am prepared to sacrifice. But I have no chance at all.
For most of us - gays or lebsians - who have formed long distance relationships with Americans, same-sex marriage is our only hope to remain in the United States. Denying us the right that binational heterosexual married couples enjoyed is unjust. Marriage is a union of two persons who are ready to commit in a life-long partnership regardless of genders. If the right accorded to binational matrimony is recognised, why is it overlooked between binational homosexual married couples? Shouldn't marriage be based on love, and love is universal across races and nationalities? Just look at how Americans are helping the poor in the third-world countries. How about applying the same concept of compassion to binational same-sex couples before breaking us up? Where is the love? The Black Eyed Peas questioned that in the same titled song, 'Where is the Love' . If love between two persons is governed by religion, and religion in turn becomes a political tool for the Federal Government, then withholding the right of same-sex marriages is a decision made without any consideration of humanity. The U.S. Immigration law discriminates against same-sex union in defense of American traditional family values. Consider the Republicans who advocate such values but among them, there are hypocrites who engage in same-sex affairs. How right can these self-proclaimed moral police be justified in sealing the fates of binational homosexual couples? Banning same-sex partner of an American citizen from staying in the United States is an act of cruelty to human race. Tearing binational couples apart undermines our diplomatic understanding for the country.
Falling in love with a foreigner is more than about the person; it is also about knowing the country where we come from. The homepage of my IE browser is set to Yahoo! U.S. and not Yahoo! Singapore. The reason is obvious : I want to know what's happening in the U.S. I love my boyfriend and the country he lives in. I want to be attuned to the American way of life, hoping that one day I will be a part of it. I want to contribute to U.S. economy, of which, I can enjoy with my boyfriend and fellow American friends. Sadly, the Federal Government overlooks the economic value subsisting in same-sex marriages. Breaking up binational same-sex couples forces their very own people to leave the country, thus migrating their skills to competing countries. I wonder if the government has read about the pink economy identified by Richard Florida. Driving talents away from the United States is not driving up its GDP. The voices of the United States seem to say, "leave American gays alone. Go and date gays from the 16 nations that allow their citizens to sponsor their same sex partners for immigration benefits."
My 3-year long distance relationship was broken up because our future is bleak. He couldn't find a job in Singapore and neither could I find one in the United States. I admit that we haven't done enough to salvage our relationship but there is only so much we could do. If the same right enjoyed by straight binational married couples is extended to us, he would have already married me. My wound is still fresh as I am writing this.
Everyday, there are same-sex couples from various countries breaking up with their American partners because of the anti-gay immigration law. I found hope in Immigration Equality, a national organization that works to push the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA). I urge that the UAFA be passed on the ground of human rights. The torment of binational same-sex couples ought to end. Whether or not the UAFA becomes law, do not give up your American partner. True love never surrenders only if we try.
We shouldn't let policy dictates who we love. That's the responsbility of our heart.
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