The Pursuit of Happiness

I left a well paid job in 2005 without a job because I was unhappy working in the company. I took that opportunity to search for jobs in Toronto and the US so that I could be closer to my American boyfriend. At the same time, I went to work for a law firm on a month contract which I did not renew. Obviously, I wasn't happy working in that company either. There was also no positive response from overseas. I was out of job again. My ex-boss came to know that I quit because the lawyer that I worked for was our company's solicitor. She offered me a temporary position to assist her for the busy month. I agreed and was stucked for a year. I hated myself for returning to a job that I had no passion for. I quit for good after 10 months without a job again. Within a year, I resigned 3 times.

I had worked with that company for 6 years and more than a decade in the entertainment related industry. I grew sick of it since 2004. I wanted to do something different. In other word, I had to start from scratch. But I was unsured what I wanted to do and in what industry. I survived 5 months freelancing as a web and e-card designer. I sent out more than 30 resumes but only 2 called me up for interviews. Both were unsuccessfull. My potential employers were not convinced that I could make a successfull transition to a new industry. However, finally one employer called me up for an interview and I got the job. I thought I would fit but being gay doesn't mean that I would be happy working in a gay environment. After 2 months, I quit. My fourth resignation.

I quit all the jobs because I was unhappy working at those companies. No matter how much I was paid, I was still unhappy. No matter how others envied my job, I was still unhappy. In my pursuit of a happy job, I was hinted that I could be on the verge to depression - because I was job hopping and hence inferred that my mental state was unstable. All I wanted was a job that I would enjoy going to work everyday. As long as I could still support my parents and myself, I was prepared to forgo a pay that commensurated with my qualification and experiences. But again, no employer would be convinced of my pursuit of happiness and not money. Most employers simply saw me as a desperate job seeker who was just seeking a temporary shelter. They were not to blame for their judgement because even friends thought I was crazy to compromise pay for a self-illusioned happiness. To them, no job could be absolutely happy. I agreed that it would take sheer luck to bump into a happy job but I was not giving up.

The truth is I had found my direction since the beginning of 2007 - that is to become a professional writer. In fact, the interest in writing had always stayed with me since I was a student. I first completed a 100 pages fantasy story when I was in primary school. It was co-written with a classmate but he gave up after 2 chapters. I continued to write short stories in my secondary school. When I was working, I contributed to the newspapers and magazines. I was happy that some were published. I attempted to write an autobiography when I was in my early 20s. I even sought a London's publisher to get my story published. The story was completed but I gave up the idea of getting it published. I felt there was nothing for the readers to learn from my story. When blogging was introduced, I also joined the bandwagon. Over the years, I deleted a few blogs that I started; this blog e-zine you are reading now endures.

I am very determined to become a professional writer for magazines, websites and newspapers. Eventually, I want to be a novelist. I am trying hard to market my writings in different writers' portals. One day, I hope publishers in different parts of the world will engage me to write for their publications full time or freelance. I will be nuts If I were to wait for that chance without finding a job to support my dream.

I watched 'The Pursuit of Happyness" yesterday and I am very inspired. My life is not as hard as Chris Gardner. At least, I have a roof above me and I don't have a kid that I have to worry for. However, we do have the same determination in getting that job. As much as he wanted to be a broker, I want to be a writer. I want to see my articles in local and overseas publications. I want my books to be published in overseas and sold in every part of the world. I want to dedicate my first book to my boyfriend, the second to my friends and the third to myself. Then I want to write my fourth book, fifth book, sixth book and so on.

I watch 'Cover Girl' by Rita Hayworth and Gene Kelly today. I love what Gene said: "easy get, easy lose." I am still far from my writing dream. I will continue to write until someone drop me an email to say "hey, I like your writing. Can you write for us?"

Am I crazy for my dream? I bet some people will pour wet blanket on me because being an author in Singapore will 'eat grasses', a colloquial to mean having not enough to eat. All I care is writing makes me happy. I believe my American Dream will come true one day.