I used to form a smiliar skepticism. I was cynical when hot babes proclaiming true love to men decades older than them. Likewise from a gay's perspective, I couldn't see how an Adonis could fancy an old man. Now, I am part of the skepticism that others imposed on me.
In a relationship of which a partner is significantly older than the other, the older chap is coined as the suger daddy and the young sucker is lambasted as gold digger. This is so because the distribution of wealth is always imbalance in such a combination. Unless you are Larry Page and she is Britney Spears, an older partner will accumulae more wealth than his/her younger lover by the law of nature. I don't mean a millionaire and an average income earner. This sounds more like a modern day Cinderalla story. How many of us date a millionaire anyway? But financial dependence will always be perceived to fall on the older lover. Compare a 30-year old guy and his high school sweetheart. Bingo! I don't think I need to elaborate my point further.
Take a look at these couples. What's your first impression about their younger partners.
Rupert Murdoch, 70 & Wendi Deng Murdoch, 39
Age difference: 31
James Howard Marshall II, 89 & Anna Nicole Smith, 26 (Their age as of the year of dating before death)
Age difference : 63
Elton John, 60 & Partner, David Furnish, 45
Age Difference: 15
Demi Moore, 45 & Ashton Kutcher, 29
Age difference: 16
Britney Spears, 26 & Kevin Federline, 29
Age Difference: 3
There are gold diggers in every country. Suckers are prepared to trade in their youth and body for money and power. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the dead, but Anna Nicole Smith's court battle over James Howard Marshall II's will after his death speaks unmistakably of her motive marrying a man 63 years her senior. When it comes to money talk, partners from the less extraordinary league are usually under scrutiny. Everyone heard the cash ringing in Kevin Federline's register when the former backup dancer and singer married pop princess, Britney Spears. The Briteny-Kevin's case seems to be more than the case of compatibility in age, but also the ranking of wealth and social status. If young couples are not spared the judgement, how more difficult it is to believe that true love can exist when one partner is unreasonably old and ridiculously rich? Would Wendy Deng bear Rupert Murdock two kids if not for the inheritance that she would benefit from consummation of her marriage? Maybe yes, maybe not; only she knows. I am dating a 57-year old man now. Whether I like it or not, people are going to judge me when we are together. Likewise, I judge others when they have older partners. I firmly believe that my sweet Mr P can tell that I am not a heartbreaker.
When the age gap in a relationship gets wider, the issue of money, sex and level of understanding become a greater concern. I shall not repeat my views on money; conduct speaks for itself. Let's talk about sex then. A healthy loving relationship requires a healthy sexual relationship, but sex should not beget love and become a determinant for the success or failure of a relationship. There are other priorities in life which carry more substance than sex, such as building a loving relationship based on communications and other social activities. Unless we are dating an object, all humans are capable of showing affection through physical intimacy. But the frequency and intensity of the intimacy will very much depend on how high your sex drive is. If you are a horny pig, don't lie to yourself that your older partner would be able to sextify you. The truth is he ain't going to be your top-notch sex machine not without a little help of Viagra.
When you take away the money and sex issues, the subject of understanding is itself subjective. How much a young partner chooses to understand the world of his older partner very much depends on the individual. It is a lesson of life that does not come with formulas but simply acquired out of love.
It is disheartening to learn of young gay men calling older men unwanted. I defend strongly against that. Gay men who think in such shallow ways are blinded by young, tight bodies to even see beyond the fine layer of wonderful qualities that only come with age. Don't they put themselves in their shoes when they grow old? Do they want to feel unwanted or be given such label? Mind you, old men are not as lousy as others thought them to be. Don't think too highly of ourselves just because youth is on our side - don't forget that it is slipping by the days. OIder men have rich life experiences to share and mellow characters that display tender, love and care in the ways that younger men lack.
With Mr P, I feel that I am facing the calm blue sea on a breezy afternoon. His smiles are the sunshine that light up my day, and his stalwart presence is like a shelter under a big tree. If you think I am talking craps, wait till you meet an older man who sweeps your heart away.
Oh, money boys can forget about my preposition because older men are just various bank accounts to you.
3 comments:
As a 50 year old man who dates a 30 year old man. I guess I can say from experience that there are things that can work and cannot work in such a relationship...First off if you love each other. Age has as much to do with a relationship as the luner tides do. Age is a number yes, but there comes other issues. First off there may be differences in physical ability and sexual prowess. But that should not matter, and if it does ther will be great problems. I for one have a stronger sex drive than my 30 year old partner. So I let him slide. :) I did not want to wear him out. But seriously, there should be no qualifiers in love. What ever your age is, what ever you like, what ever you want...If you find another who wishes to share that dream with you...then age is as meaningless and borderless as the wind blowing the yellow leaves of fall....Enjoy life, enjoy love, but never let age stand in the way of happiness and joy.
i would say all gay age stereotypes between younger asian and older caucasian relationships are indeed perpetuated by the dependency syndrome which is a pretty common story in australia.
we have the money and/or visa boys - students who are here to study but are bent on staying on. so they trawl the bars and hit on older caucasian men. but in these mutually beneficial relationships, age plays no part in true love.
however, in the general gay culture, gay ageism lives well and true. we generally ship anyone over 30 to tasmania (kidding). if you scanned bios on gay.com, you'll come across "under 30/35".
i'm a believer that age has a part to play in true love. but to me, age is a matter of the mind :)
Thanks for talking about this issue of intergenerational relationships; I don't think enough people do. I've been in a relationship with a man more than forty years my senior for almost two years now. I've always been attracted to older men, though I didn't really expect to end up in a relationship with such a large age discrepancy. However, it's incredible how compatible we've been whether it's about interests, politics/religion, living arrangements, or sexually. Going into the relationship I was weary of the perception that I was in it for the material gain; to me I prefer my relationship to be as equal as possible. Admittedly I do benefit some materially from our relationship, but doesn't everyone that lives together with their partner? We share living costs, I work full time, I do my share of the chores, it just so happens that I get to live in a nicer place than I'd afford on my own, but I feel no sense of entitlement to it. That is what two people do when they are together, they share. However I do understand that there are those out there that might take advantage for quick financial gain, or conversely for fun with some hot young thing, but I think people need to recognized the potential for authentic relationships between differing ages as well.
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