Should Gay Christians turn Straight in the name of God? Wisdom from Queer As Folk

If you are a gay Christian and are unable to reconcile your faith with your sexual orientation, I've got something to share from the long-running series "Queer As Folk".

Ted Schmidt (inset:left) bumped into a man at the pharmacy whom he had casual sex with. That guy bought a HIV related drug. Ted fearing that he might be infected went for a HIV blood test. His best pal, Emment Honeycutt (inset:below) accompanied him and did the blood test too.

Days later, Ted received a call from the hosiptal saying that he was fine. However, Emment received a call to revisit the hospital. Emment was afraid that he might be HIV+. He promised God that if he was fine, he would turn straight. That was a big deal to someone who was the Queen of the gay city. To cut the witty details, Emment turned out to be fine and he fulfilled his promise to God. He joined See The Light, a group of gays and lesbians who envisioned to be straight. Emment was so involved in coming-out-of-the dark (thanks to Gloria Estefan) that he cut himself out from the gay world, including alienating his best friend, Ted. Since Emment would not go to Ted, Ted visited Emment at the group gathering with their mutual friend, Michael. The scene was emotionally charged. Ted tried to salvage the friendship and this is an extract of what he told Emment:

"And I think God appreciates it as much as you do. We want to let you know that we still love you...maybe not as much as Jesus but almost. And that we're going to miss you. Oh, I think God appreciates it even more 'cause he created you in His image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love, and God doesn't make mistakes, then, you must be exactly the way He wants you to be, the way He intended you to be"

How much more do Christians need to know that being gay is not a mistake? The orthodox churches are going to burn me on the stake for tarnishing God's image. My brethen brothers, are going to say that yes, God makes no mistakes but homosexuality is a seed planted by Satan in the human's body.

By its anti-procreation element, the gay world is perceived to be against God's commandment. I dislike reading the Bible like the way theologians do. Faith is not a subject that can be mastered. Since God is wise and we are created in His image, we have all the wisdom within us to understand what He had truly said. Man's words are deceitful (and by the same note, I can be deceiving if you think I am).

Ever tell yourself that God wants us to be happy? We are His Children and He is our Heavenly Father. Living in denial and guilt about who we are neither make us nor God happy. I had tried to become straight in the past. Of course it didn't work. How dare I alter God's creation! My mind is programmed to desire men and so be it. What Ted said was a simple concept to understand. If we think that he is devil-sent, his words are blasphemous; otherwise, heaven must be missing an angel. Don't think too hard. Because when God's tell us something, He makes sure it's simple enough for us to understand. So if we feel that being gay chained us down and demoralised our life, open our hearts and listen carefully - for God is singing to the Gay Nation: "don't worry, be happy."

Reply to Sumiko Tan's Column - A Woman needs a Man

A Gay man needs a Man

I've come to the realistation that a woman isn't complete unless she has a partner. So said Sumiko Tan in her Sunday column "A Woman needs a Man" (ST, 9 Sep 07). With a headline like that, It beats me how many single women have protested to the Straits Times.

I enjoy her writings. Being 43 and single, she becomes an empty vessal at times and hence can't stop whining - the writer's PMS I call it. I can empathise with her plight because I am 34 and technically single here. I whined too in my blog. I applaud her bravey in attesting the wholeness of womanhood can only exist if she has a man in her life. I second her ideology. If you don't know me, you would probably deduce that I'm a woman. The air is clear now, except that I am a gay man. To sing her tune, I decided to plagiarise her story. I never thought I'd say this, but here goes: A gay man needs a man to be complete (this sentence is originally from her column; I just replace 'a woman' with 'a gay man').

Try telling me that before I hit the big 30. My attitude would be non-hastening. I was unrealistic in my quest for a soul mate. I believe that fate would bring Mr Right to my door. Can you believe that my straight friends tried to cajole me into visiting gay pubs? They were against the idea of me doing nothing and wishfully thinking that I would bump into Mr Right on the streets or in the subways. When my biological clock ticked-tocked by the years, I realised that the Hollywood version of One Fine Day hardly happened in reality. I didn't get to meet George Clooney. Michelle Pieffer, that lucky bitch!

So I moved my ass. But I did not visit any gay pubs because I don't see how I could find my soul mate in a den of one night standers (Ok, I invented that word). I traveled to the cyberspace and took a tour of the myriad of gay match-making sites. Since then, I met a lot of gay men but was dumped in the most absurb manner. A series of misfortunate events turned me into anti-relationship. I retreated to my cocoon and fucked all the lovey-dovey things out of my life. I was self-sufficient and don't need a man to make my life enjoyable. After a year, I was proven wrong. I got a mail - not from Tom Hank - but from a 46-year old American. If I were to express the way I felt with him, I would sing him the song 'You Raised me Up' (sans the spiritual connotation). He is the oldest man I have dated so far and the longest relationship I ever have.

If you recall earlier on I wrote that I am technically single here, I meant I am attached but my boyfriend isn't with me. He hasn't been with me since the start of our relationship 3 years ago. To meet one another, we have to take an 18-hour flight between Singapore and the U.S. Friends have been asking why the hell we are still not living together? It is a question that I asked myself. The question mark becomes bigger as I see all the local women and gay men with their white partners. I feel envious, uncertain and sad. I brought up the issue of relocating in our first year but he said he wanted to take it slow. And it has been really slow. He changed his job this year and I feel that the more I should be more understanding.

Surely, Sumiko was not talking about my kind of relationship. To many, a couple who sees each other less than 3 times a year is not a relationship and even if it is, it ain't healthy. That was exactly what my friends commented. I, however, think otherwise. Except the distance, I see my relationship the same as others: we communicate, we sent presents on birthdays, Valentine's Day and Christmas, we visit each other and we travel to other destinations for holidays. Most importantly, we don't cheat. All my friends questioned me how could I be so sure if he is not fooling around - he is afterall in the U.S. The beauty of our long distance relationship had taught me how to trust and have faith in a boyfriend, and therefore, doubts never cross my mind. The thought of someone so far away is thinking of me warms my heart. You can call me nuts and I don't blame you. Nobody thinks like me. I suppose you could wonder If I'm desperate for a relationship since I am willing to endure the pain of separation for 3 years. Why have a boyfriend thousands of miles away and there is no companionship and fulfilment to talk about (not dimssing physical intimacy). Can't I stop harping on relationship and thinking that men are the Oxygen that keeps me alive? The singletons can argue that without a boyfriend, we can still get enjoy life with friends but surely we know that the kind of love we experience with the latter is different. The amount of communications and the kind of things we do with our boyfriend is what the limitation of friendship cannot offer. Such attention and devotion can never be received from your soccer kakis, party animal friends or even your pet. And when it comes to getting a gift for that special guy, you will know whether he is more than a laughter and a martini at the bar. Ok, how about family? Like Sumiko wrote:

"But, oh, who are we kidding? Let's be honest. Nothing beats the frisson of
commanding the time and attention of someone from the opposite sex whom you
fancy and who fancies you. After all, humans are hardwired to mate"

If you rather find solace in singlehood, you have probably never fallen in love before or got dumped as frequently as we piss.

Recently, my relationship has been on the brim of death. There isn't any quarrel. If women have intuition, men have it too. Somehow, I feel that I could have lost my boyfriend. I have never stopped loving him but again, if there was once a right time that we met, then perhaps, there will be a right time to part our ways too. Even if this relationship breaks, I will not stop finding another man to fall in love with again. Every man is a different story and its outcome will be different too. To resign my life to whining in the cyberspace, I rather fall, pick it up from there and move on no matter how many times it will take me.

There will be a man who will watch the sunset with me as I grow old. And yes, I need a man in my life. Oh, and who said Michelle Pieffer is the only lucky bitch to have met George Clooney.

George Clooney and I in London, 2004

Is Mocca.com Targeting Gay Consumers in its Latest TV Ad?

The first time I saw this TV commercial (TVC), my jaw dropped. A bodybuilder in his zebra stripes underwear was flaunting his biceps, triceps, pecs... and his armpits too. Thank God that he shaved.

This is the third TVC of Mocca.com, a website for online classifieds and community. It's first two TVCs though suggestive are not repulsive; this one is simply cheap taste. Without doubt, flashing of muscles and bulge on prime time is going to capture a lot of eyeballs. But not every tantalizing endeavor can be an Abercrombie's success. If the TVC's intention is to create an awareness of Mocca among gays by serving us 'beefcake', its marketing department failed terribly. Here are some views posted in the forum of a local gay site:

"How can they think of such a gross act that simply has not much taste?"

Posted by member, C1/1.

"And the worst is the beefcake...its kinda repulsive for me to digest."

Posted by member, Blaze.

"Some of my friends are freaked out by the bodybuilder."

Posted by member, Drenched.

"Quite gross the way he introduced the rooms/kitchen. Pretty awkward for a family commercial like this."

Posted by member, Topaz.

Of course, there are some gays who are blinded by muscles and delight themselves in the TVC. I love bodybuilders but I am a discerning admirer. Most gays have good taste in appreciating creativity. If we want eye candies, we know where to look for them.

Bearforce1 - Exclusive Interview from Amsterdam

My Boss is a Homophobe

The lunch was to celebrate someone's last day with the company and to welcome the new staff. The big bosses were there.

Being a new comer, I tried to break the ice over the table. At one point of my conversation, I professed that I am gay. Some colleagues already knew but not the big bosses. We continued our merry-making, thinking that nobody cared of my sexual orientation. Apparently, one of the bosses did.

She told her Personal Assistant that she almost fell off her seat when I said I had a boyfriend. When I heard that, I was flummoxed because she had gay superior before. I took her words as an indication of suprise. I was, however, not quite right to think in that way. She did not regain her composure the next morning. She was acting like a homophobe. She forced a smile when I grinned at her. Whenever our path met in the office, she gave me that here-comes-that-faggot look. I told a gay friendly colleague over MSN about her homophobia and he replied, "Probably because of her religion?" I shall not stereotype and compartmentalise the various religions and their level of intolerence towards PLU*. But I really do not see what her problem was. Knowing she had worked under a gay boss, she ought to see beyond the fact that some guys prefer dick to pussy. I thought that she being younger compared to the aunties in the office, she would be more receptive to alternative lifestyle. I hope I was just paranoid after what her PA had told me. But If my gaydar could detect the presence of straight men in camouflage, how hard it is to distinguish between a gay friendly and a homophobe?

Singapore has already dropped the American's military "Don't Ask. Don't Tell" policy since 2003 when the government announced that it would hire gay people but we are to declare our sexual orientation in the job application forms. Having worked in the government sector, surely she is aware of such a change. Did she practise double standard that her bosses can be gays but not her subordinates? If she did, I am not suprised but just disappointed. Like some parents, they could accept anyone as gay except their kids. If homosexuality should not be criminalised if it truly was genetic as some doctors had informed our Mentor Minster, Lee Kuan Yew, then homosexuals in the workplace should not be discriminated too.

How many closet gays in their 30s or more tell the truth when asked if they have girlfriends or why they are single? Well, I did and a teacher in a respectable school too. He outed himself on his blog but had to remove it under duress from the ministry (The NewPaper, September 14, 2007). I didn't go around telling people that I am gay; it evolved as part of the conversations. I was not ashamed to talk about my sexuality. On the same note, some people might want to be spared of the details. My big boss obviously preferred the 'Don't Ask. Don't Tell' way - she remarked about my openness to her PA.

She is entitled to her perception. She can pretend that gays do not exist in her world, I cannot pretend to be who I am not and engage in evasive conversations with people. Enough is enough. If they accept me, they will be my friends; if not, they will never be. I just want to be proud of who I am and the 3-year relationship I have. However, the price I would have to paid is to subject myself to public scrutiny like the encaged animals in the zoo. As this is my first encounter with a homophobe (not to mention, my boss), I googled for advices on dealing with homophobic bosses. This is what Monster career advice has to say: accept the situation, change it or leave it.

The first step in confronting anti-gay behavior is to document it. In my own words, I will interpret it as keeping a journal of 'how to nail your homophobic boss?' So when she denies my allegations, I can simply throw her my journal and walk out of her office. But turning back to remind her that it will be pointless to burn my journal because I have photocopied it.

The second step is to find a confidante who knows the boss and company well enough but not necessary gay, and who will support my quest in fighting the anti-gay management. I already have two straight men in my department but I doubt they will risk anything to defend me in the name of justice. It is as good as asking for a show of hands who are gays.

The third step is to know my rights. I had worked in an American firm here that practises equal opportunity employment. I do not think that my Human Resource will tell me enthusiastically that yes, we cherish and protect our gay employees. In Singapore, there aint any rights to talk about. I could, however, make headlines if my situation worsen and I lodge a complaint to the the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC). Hmm... that may turn me into a gay hero of Singapore.

The fourth step is to ask my boss directly, "What's your problem?" or compliment how chic her hair looks. You would have known which option I will pick. If asslicking is my strategy, I would not have placed my career on the butcher table.

For the time being, I doubt I will take any of the above step. Like the conclusion of Monster career advice, I will end my blog with the same:

"Don't compromise yourself. Your work should speak for itself. And if an employer discriminates against you and you don't want to go the route of pressing charges, then leave your job. Life is too short to work for a jerk.”

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*PLU - Peoples Like Us. A term to refer to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender.

Why do Men have Nipples?

Why do men have nipples? You may have seen them at the bookstore - I mean, not the nipples, but the New York Times #1 Bestseller by Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg. It is a question that nobody can answer because male nipples have no real function. Although men can produce milk (lactation), no baby will suck on daddies' nipples. I know it's hard to believe but it's true. Watch this Youtube video of a man squeezing milk from his nipples (Warning: it may spoilt your appetite). Anyway, I'm not going to question why I have nipples; that's for the evolutionary biologists to tell me. But I can explain from a gay fetish point of view.

This morning, I saw them again. Last week, I had a similiar sighting at the same gym - Californa Fitness, Bugis Junction. I was at the bicep curl machine towards my 2nd set of 10 repetitions when a guy sashayed past my view. He was not actually catwalking but I was damn sure that he was flaunting something on his muscular body - his nipple. 200 metres away from him, I could not miss the nipple that passed my eyes. It was huge. From the way he exposed his nipple, I knew he was a tits flasher. He could have easily tucked it under his tanktop but he wouldn't. The strap of his tanktop was hanged skillfully on his cleavage to prevent it from falling so that other men wouldn't miss the magnificent view (inset: left). Very gay and he is definitely one. When I thought that I could get the tit pig out of my head, our path crossed at the dumbbell area. He was doing the bench press and what a chance to show off again. We were at close proximity (and mind you, I was not stalking him). This time, I saw both his huge, brown nipples against the contrast of his fair skin. One of them had a blink - a nipple ring. The difference between this sighting and that of last week was the former was a man in his 50's (but still in great shape), and the latter was a beefcake in his 30's. Both, however, have their big nipples screaming out for attention. To who? The gay men of course.

Gay sex has a myriad of fetishes and nipple play is among them. What both guys did at the gym was probably a way to cruise for like-minded gay men. Otherwise, I really do not see any valid reason to expose their nipples when they are clothed. I have seen buff men wearing tight tanktops but hardly anyone displayed their nipples in such brazen manner. Some may think that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Afterall, what's wrong with guys exposing their nipples? Nothing wrong, actually. It was just a culture shock. Nipple pumping is common in the west and enlarged nipples are as ubiquitous as traffic lights. In Singapore, I have never seen men with nipples like those I saw at the gym. They are definitely the work of a pump or snakebites (inset above). Natural nipples can be big but never stretched and pointed.

It's beyond the comprehension of straignt men that gay men are enlarging their tits; to them, women should be the one concerned about their nipples size. It takes a member of the fetish group to understand what make nipples an erogenous zone. Otherwise, what motivate them to flaut their award-winning tits other than the mere reason of soliciting admiration from the tit slaves? In the gay world where size is worshipped, the nipple gods are reincarnation of Narcissus. I wonder if Singaporean women are turned on by huge tits on a muscular chest? I know white women do.