The lunch was to celebrate someone's last day with the company and to welcome the new staff. The big bosses were there.
Being a new comer, I tried to break the ice over the table. At one point of my conversation, I professed that I am gay. Some colleagues already knew but not the big bosses. We continued our merry-making, thinking that nobody cared of my sexual orientation. Apparently, one of the bosses did.
She told her Personal Assistant that she almost fell off her seat when I said I had a boyfriend. When I heard that, I was flummoxed because she had gay superior before. I took her words as an indication of suprise. I was, however, not quite right to think in that way. She did not regain her composure the next morning. She was acting like a homophobe. She forced a smile when I grinned at her. Whenever our path met in the office, she gave me that here-comes-that-faggot look. I told a gay friendly colleague over MSN about her homophobia and he replied, "Probably because of her religion?" I shall not stereotype and compartmentalise the various religions and their level of intolerence towards PLU*. But I really do not see what her problem was. Knowing she had worked under a gay boss, she ought to see beyond the fact that some guys prefer dick to pussy. I thought that she being younger compared to the aunties in the office, she would be more receptive to alternative lifestyle. I hope I was just paranoid after what her PA had told me. But If my gaydar could detect the presence of straight men in camouflage, how hard it is to distinguish between a gay friendly and a homophobe?
Singapore has already dropped the American's military "Don't Ask. Don't Tell" policy since 2003 when the government announced that it would hire gay people but we are to declare our sexual orientation in the job application forms. Having worked in the government sector, surely she is aware of such a change. Did she practise double standard that her bosses can be gays but not her subordinates? If she did, I am not suprised but just disappointed. Like some parents, they could accept anyone as gay except their kids. If homosexuality should not be criminalised if it truly was genetic as some doctors had informed our Mentor Minster, Lee Kuan Yew, then homosexuals in the workplace should not be discriminated too.
How many closet gays in their 30s or more tell the truth when asked if they have girlfriends or why they are single? Well, I did and a teacher in a respectable school too. He outed himself on his blog but had to remove it under duress from the ministry (The NewPaper, September 14, 2007). I didn't go around telling people that I am gay; it evolved as part of the conversations. I was not ashamed to talk about my sexuality. On the same note, some people might want to be spared of the details. My big boss obviously preferred the 'Don't Ask. Don't Tell' way - she remarked about my openness to her PA.
She is entitled to her perception. She can pretend that gays do not exist in her world, I cannot pretend to be who I am not and engage in evasive conversations with people. Enough is enough. If they accept me, they will be my friends; if not, they will never be. I just want to be proud of who I am and the 3-year relationship I have. However, the price I would have to paid is to subject myself to public scrutiny like the encaged animals in the zoo. As this is my first encounter with a homophobe (not to mention, my boss), I googled for advices on dealing with homophobic bosses. This is what Monster career advice has to say: accept the situation, change it or leave it.
The first step in confronting anti-gay behavior is to document it. In my own words, I will interpret it as keeping a journal of 'how to nail your homophobic boss?' So when she denies my allegations, I can simply throw her my journal and walk out of her office. But turning back to remind her that it will be pointless to burn my journal because I have photocopied it.
The second step is to find a confidante who knows the boss and company well enough but not necessary gay, and who will support my quest in fighting the anti-gay management. I already have two straight men in my department but I doubt they will risk anything to defend me in the name of justice. It is as good as asking for a show of hands who are gays.
The third step is to know my rights. I had worked in an American firm here that practises equal opportunity employment. I do not think that my Human Resource will tell me enthusiastically that yes, we cherish and protect our gay employees. In Singapore, there aint any rights to talk about. I could, however, make headlines if my situation worsen and I lodge a complaint to the the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC). Hmm... that may turn me into a gay hero of Singapore.
The fourth step is to ask my boss directly, "What's your problem?" or compliment how chic her hair looks. You would have known which option I will pick. If asslicking is my strategy, I would not have placed my career on the butcher table.
For the time being, I doubt I will take any of the above step. Like the conclusion of Monster career advice, I will end my blog with the same:
"Don't compromise yourself. Your work should speak for itself. And if an employer discriminates against you and you don't want to go the route of pressing charges, then leave your job. Life is too short to work for a jerk.”
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*PLU - Peoples Like Us. A term to refer to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender.
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