Bananation

I dedicate my blog today to friends in the United States, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Toronto and Bangkok.

If I were to write down a list of my friends, it won't surprise me that they are shrinking in number. Believe it or not, all my local friends are married. We used to hang out regularly in our early twenties; now, they hang out with their wives and kids. My closest girlfriend whom used to be single is also dating recently.

Seem like these friends suddenly become undatable after their marriage, huh? Not exactly. They are still there in my life, just not quite there. I believe that they will be around if I needed them and when I'm fine, they will cross my path once a while. Likewise, I also play my part in the similiar way. Bingo. The fact that I am aware of the situation but do nothing to bridge the friendshp that has drifted apart, points me to a problem which I'm a part of it. If I have done something about it in the past, my local friends will probably not diminish in number. With each passing year, it gets harder to keep in touch until one day, I started singing "If all my friends have forgotten half their promises, they're not unkind just hard to find" and believing in the words. I gave up on emailing, calling or SMSing. There is a book that says of men becoming progressively grumpy when they get older. I guess I am already there earlier than I should.

You may slap my face and question me this: if local friends are hard to keep in touch, isn't it harder for overseas friends? I have to slap myself too because it is definitely harder.

I am amazed at how I manage my long disance friendship over the years despite the geographical difference. I sort of concluded that 'EXPECTATION' is the key culprit that cripples my chance of preserving my friendship locally. The saying that "the closer we are to someone, the higher our expectation is from that person" is true to my case, except that I'm comparing with the closeness of distance and not just heart. In the same light, the reverse is true for oveseas friends.

We keep in touch by emails or MSN, whichever is convenient to them. I only get to meet them when they travel to Singapore for business or holiday, which happens only once in a blue moon. If you don't believe that a healhty, cross-country friendship can develop from such brief moments, I'm going to make you rethink.

My New Yorker's friend offered me to crush in with him and his roommate in his Manhattan's apartment. That gesture saves me from the expensive hotel stay. My friends from Hongkong and Bangkok showed me the best of foods, shoppings and entertainment when I visited. The most mentionable friend is of course, my Filippino American friend from New Hampshire, United States. He took 3 days leave from work and drove me around the town and to Boston. On my first day of arrival at the Manchester bus station, he was there to fetch me to the motel and assisted me with my check-in. His parents even invited me to their home for a traditional Filippino dinner. I'm lucky to know these kind and generous people. With a lower expectation from a long distance friendship, it is so much easier for me to keep the communication going. There is a Chinese saying that "When a thing is rare, it gets more treasurable". Whenever I meet these friends, I feel like one of those folks under the HDB* void-deck catching up with one another on the good, old days.

Bring me my black coffee.

Listen to James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" @ myspace.com

Glossary
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*HDB - a type of high-rise apartment built by the Government for the citizens. Commonly known as HDB flats, they are the most occupied apartments for Singaporeans.